I read a great blog post by Melissa Edgington the other day that started by saying, “You aren’t the adult trying to deal with a stubborn child. You are a full-grown, thinking wife in a partnership with a full-grown, thinking husband.”
This got me thinking…why do we treat and refer to our Hubby’s or even significant others as children? Why do we treat them like a toddler? Did we not marry our Hubby’s because we thought they would be a great partner and a great father one day? Because I did. My Hubby and I even picked out our first child’s name on our first date! I married him for many reasons but of course for the fact I knew he would be a fantastic father. So the question still stands, why must we treat and describe our Hubby’s like toddlers?
“He Plays Video Games Too Much!”
My Hubby love’s his video games and working on cars. I used to complain day and night about it. To absolutely anyone that would listen. Maybe it’s because I wanted them on my side to stop him from playing his video games. Or maybe I just needed to vent about all the time he spent in the garage. Honestly, I don’t really know. I was given tons of advice and it sounded mostly like this:
“Make a schedule, let him only play games every other day after Smudge goes to bed or maybe only on the weekends.”
To me that doesn’t sound like a husband and wife coming to an agreement or a solution but more like mom reprimanding her bad kid! Admittedly, we did used this method for awhile…until I realized one day, what if he asked me to do the same with something I loved? You know, maybe, only blogging every other Thursday when the sun is at high noon and the full moon shows at night, or something ridiculous like that!
I know many women have the same problem as I had… you come home from a long day at work, you just picked up the kids, and now it’s time to clean the house, make dinner, do the laundry, and make sure the kids homework is done (thankfully I don’t have this problem yet). You feel as though the entire world is on your shoulders and you are the only one that will get it all done. Think about it though, did your husband ask if he could help and you said no, because you obviously like things done a certain way? Or did you continue on doing your task without even asking him for help?
As women we typically have both of those problems. You said no or you didn’t ask him to help so he went off to play his video games or work in the garage. Thus leaving you to carry on with the chores.
“But, but, but, he should know! He should know to just do it!” These are the crazy things I used to say to myself. But I was told once by my therapist… “Lauren, does he look like a mind reader?” Of course my response was…”well he should be if he’s not.” Kidding. Kind of. 🙂
I always knew I was a “nagger”. The stereotypical nagging wife. “Do the dishes” “Switch out the laundry”. The more we nag the more they shut down and the more we sound like their mothers. Have some faith in your Hubby. He lived without you once, I hope he knows what he’s doing by now!
Common girls, he’s not an idiot. If we don’t tell Hubby what we want, how are they supposed to know? Maybe they aren’t taking responsibility because we won’t give them the chance too.
“But How Does That Make You Feel?”
I’ve always since day one referred to Hubby as my big kid and I’ve never really thought about how that made him feel. As men they have ingrained in their DNA wanting to be our night in shining armor. They want to protect us, care for us, and love us. But we stand our ground and don’t let them because we feel a need to be equal. Not letting them take care of us they are probably feeling a little emasculated, I’m sure. I’m also pretty confident my husband would agree if I asked.
We need to give them a chance to dote on us, love on us, and remind them that we do need them. Maybe not all the time, we still need to learn to fend for ourselves. But remember the next time you go to parent your partner… you chose to do this life with them, by their side, not in front or above them. You guys are partners each having different roles. But together is what makes your family stronger.